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Archive for February, 2009

a daily reminder

I came across this today on one of my favorite blogs, Mommycoddle. I think when I can get this concept down pat, I might be well on my way to being a decent mother.

…there’s still tomorrow. Except for a few things…

Tomorrow, my children will be a little bit older.

And tomorrow they’ll be carrying around memories of yesterday.

And I can stand behind them and rush, rush, rush them through to tomorrow.

Or I can stay with them, and alongside them, and savor them. Today.

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OLDEST two youngest


The oldest turned 4 last week, and I’ve been trying for the past several months to come to grips with the fact that this little boy is quickly becoming more of a boy than a little one. I’m still not ready for that and I’m thankful that I have one more year of littleness before he reaches the landmark 5, which for me, for some reason, signifies “big.” In the meantime, here’s Sean at 4:

  • Still an independent perfectionist, i.e. having to know that his chances of succeeding at something are greater than his chances of failing before he’ll try just about anything. Which can be frustrating at times (Put your pants on, please. BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW! Try. BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW!), but for the most part, it’s a trait I can appreciate.
  • Writing his name, which is mostly attributed to his independent perfectionism. We never worked with him on writing his name, then one day last October, while he was doing his usual doodling and drawing, he looked up and said, “Look, Mommy, I drawed my name!” And sure enough, he had, complete with a self-portrait, even:

  • He loves his little brothers. This never fails to melt my heart. As ornery as he can be to them sometimes, he really is an amazing big brother.
  • He has an unbelievable memory. It actually scares me sometimes how far back he can remember and the randomness of his memories. And it humbles me to think that he’s starting to form lifelong memories, as in, what kind of mother will he remember me being when he was 3 and 4 years old? Yikes.
  • He’s started pretend playing by acting out little scenarios and conversations with his cars and it totally cracks me up.
  • He loves music and dancing along with it. He particularly loves the Daniel song from Veggie Tales, a CD which must be playing in the van non-stop. When that song comes on he can rock the van with his dancing, and you can barely hear yourself think over his “bum-bum-bums.” And he and Ben like to get out their “instruments” and play their hearts out at home. They call themselves “rocket stars.”
  • He thinks he’s big enough to be a final authority on matters. Granted, this isn’t always funny, but for now, most of the time it is. Like the other night Chris and I were discussing whether the noise Jonathan was making in his crib was a “I’m fussing, I need to be gotten” sound or just a “I’m awake and making noises” sound. Jonathan makes the noise again and Sean announces, “Yep. He’s fussin’.” So there.
  • He’s a stickler for things being “right” and for himself being “in the right.” He’ll tell on himself if he’s done something bad, he’ll tell on Ben, he’ll warn Ben if he knows Ben will get in trouble (it rarely works), he asks permission before he does anything out of the ordinary. Things must be “just so” in his world. He’s not exactly one for free-flowing creative thought, but we’re working on it.
  • He’s fascinated with how things work and especially how they play out. He likes to have a play-by-play of what’s going on and when. And he’ll correct you if you get it wrong. For instance (a strange example), the other night I poked his very round, very full belly and said I thought I saw Mickey Mouse pancakes in it. He looked at me and matter-of-factly said, “No, they turned to poop already.”
  • He’s a social butterfly who LOVES hanging out with people, doesn’t matter who they are or how old they are. If you’re alive and breathing, he’ll be your friend.

And this is Sean at 4, according to him (answers exactly as he said them):

  • Favorite color: orange & red
  • Favorite song: Daniel in the Lion’s Den
  • Favorite Bible story: Daniel
  • Favorite food to eat: pancakes
  • Favorite present: Lightning McQueen
  • Favorite drink: grape juice
  • Favorite sport: Ohio State football & Cardinals baseball
  • Favorite place to go: the playground
  • Favorite movie/show: WordWorld & Backyardigans

I love this kid.

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those sweet quiet moments

I was in the nursery this morning nursing the baby to sleep for his nap, and for a few rare moments, the house was quiet. I could hear the clocks ticking, the wind chimes outside ringing, and across the hall in our bedroom, Sean and Ben rustling underneath the covers hiding away for a “surprise” attack in case Mommy came in the room. They were quietly whispering and giggling back and forth, and then all of a sudden I heard this little exchange:

Ben: Non, oo doe I duv oo?
Sean: Yeah, Ben, I know I love you! … Ben, you know I love you?
Ben: Uh.

Those sweet quiet moments that seem to come so rarely make all the other crazy ones totally worth it.

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bittersweet

Chris and I are leaving in the morning for Florida. We’re taking Jonathan with us and leaving the bigger little boys here at home, where they’ll be splitting their time between friends and Mimi. We’ll be gone for over a week, and we didn’t even tell them until tonight. That seemed like the best idea when we first figured out when to tell them, but now I wonder if earlier wouldn’t have been better. Ben didn’t seem to get it, which worries me that he’ll maybe freak out a day or two into it when Mom and Dad are still mysteriously missing. And Sean, trying to process where he would be from one day to the next and who he would be with, kept asking, “Are you gonna leave me and Ben here all by ourselves?”

I’m so looking forward to time away from everyday life for a bit, and seeing old friends and classmates from a little college in Temple Terrace who will always be near and dear to my heart, and revisiting and reminiscing about all the places that made Tampa home for us for two years (six years, really, if you want to quibble about the definition of “home”). I can’t wait, honestly, but I know there’s going to be this little hole in my heart that won’t be filled until I have my little boys in my arms again.

“…I hate bittersweet chocolate. I don’t even… what’s the point of that? Why not just sweet? Who are you helping?”
Michael Scott, The Office

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